Adam is confused. It hurt itself in the confusion!

The End of The World: December 21st 2012 - A letter to my future self

Dear Adam

Today is the 21st of December 2011, which means, according to the Mayan Calendar, you’ve got around about 365 days left on planet Earth.

Of course, it’s not as cut and dry as that. The Mayan’s calendar just sort of ends there, it doesn’t finish with “No need for any more dates as this is the end of the existence, bye! - Steve’. The other day you walked past a stall selling 2012 Justin Bieber calendars. They end on December 31st, that doesn’t mean life does too! Plus, maybe the Mayans should have spent more time arming themselves in the long run against the Spanish than writing calendars that spread that far into the future?

But if they did spend so long writing out calendars for future generations, why would they abruptly stop? For no reason, or did they know something we don’t? This is all sounding too similar to an episode of Ancient Aliens now (by the way, December 2011 was the year you really got into that show. Do you still get suckered in to all that stuff? Hope you’ve grown up a little!)

So, you’re receiving this message a year from now. What actually happened? Was it a collision with a planet? A solar flare? All out war? Was it more hippy-trippy, balls to the floor ‘human enlightenment’? Is everyone now chilled out? Hope so, although it will be near Christmas, so I assume everyone is still mega-stressed.

Where are you living? Who are you friends with? You’ve planned out the zombie apocalypse scenario about ten times now, so you know that the strategy changes slightly for the different people you surround yourself with. I assume you’re back home for Christmas. That means when it comes to it, the neighbours resources are your resources. Don’t be afraid to muscle in to that family bungalow and nab yourself some frankfurt sausages and rolls, you’ll need it for the harsh winter. Also: toothpaste. No point having a mouth tasting like chalk when the flesh eaters come for you, and if you eat enough of it, it’ll double up as pain relief (research pending).

Are Everton still in the Premier League? Have they bought anyone? I believe you’ll see the end of the world before that happens…

But what if the end doesn’t come? Have you thought of that scenario? You’ve read so much about ‘end of the world’ theories that maybe you should have taken a step back and thought, maybe it’s all rubbish? Maybe nothing will happen, and life will go on. Remember Harold Camping? In 2011 he made numerous predictions about the end, but it never came. Does that mean you’ve spent a greater portion of your reading time on something that just never happened?

Whatever happens, Adam of the future, make sure you hope for the best but prepare for the worst, and maybe cut down on the fizzy drinks, because you are going to get diabetes.

All my love

Adam Grundy (aged 22)

p.s: are you still…alone? Y’all need to step yo game up bruv…

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