Adam is confused. It hurt itself in the confusion!

Top 3 Date Movies for Valentines Day.

Valentines Day means one thing to me; it’s officially 24 hours till my birthday. This year however it’s also 24 hours till my two friends Kyle and Ryan appear on Bargain Hunt, so set your Sky+ for Wednesday’s episode, unless you don’t like Bargain Hunt, in which case please close this tab in your browser now. (edit: the episode got moved to Monday. Dang!)

February 14th is a day that people give each other shit the shops shove out, that’s a fact. A projected social image. Y’know, it’s like, surely everyone can’t enjoy all this flowers/chocolates/love hearts business, right? Surely you suckers who will be ‘celebrating’ tomorrow in some fashion could be a little creative? You know what says love? A travelcard for the week. It’s useful and it says ‘baby, I’m looking out for you’. Hopeless romantic, I know.

So this is how you’re night will probably go tomorrow. I know how shit like this goes down because I can read your minds like Charles Xavier. You might meet up with your beloved, maybe exchange some tacky-ass gift. Are you cooking, or is your partner? Maybe you’re ordering in, in which case, Jesus buddy, a takeaway? Cla55y.

If you’re a sub-human cretin, maybe you went to see The Vow for Valentines Day, in which case I implore you to die. You honestly looked at the trailer and thought “that looks good!”. Guy tip: If you take your girl to see this film, you may be thinking “this will get me in her good books!”, but you’re exposing her to Hollywood pretty boy Channing Tatum. The film will end, the lights will come up, and then she’ll have to look at your ugly mug the rest of the night. Don’t set yourself up for defeat. (Originally this rant was aimed at This Means War, McG’s most recent diabolical offering. However, it’s only being released on the 17th. Why would they choose to release a romantic comedy, but miss the Valentines Day crowds?)

Once all that shit is done, maybe you’ll cap your night off with a DVD. You know what I mean. “Oh, let’s just watch a film! Oh you’re tired, me too!”. I know how shit works. Contrary to belief I am human. Anyway, here’s a list of three films you should be watching on this insanely stupid day:

Road House

Every stupid girl loves Patrick Swayze. Pop culture dictates they do, and they follow suit. I’m not saying every girl likes the Swayz, but ask a girl what her favourite movies are, and whether it’s a guilty pleasure or they’re proud as hell of it, Dirty Dancing and Ghost will be up there. I know, I don’t understand it either, but this is just how things are.

You know how to tell if a girl is cool as hell? If she says her favourite Patrick Swayze film is Road House. Road House is pretty bad ass. I promise you, of the three Swayze films previously mentioned, this is the only one you can sit through. For that reason, you can perfectly work this one into your film selection for the evening. “You know, I heard about this really nice film we could watch…it’s got the guy from Dirty Dancing in…oh, you like him? Let’s watch it then!”. Before you know it, bar-room brawling. Yeehaw.

True Romance

This is just a good fucking movie.

Gran Torino

Ladies love the Hobbit-boy Jamie Cullum (he was part of the soundtrack). Guys love it when Clint Eastwood is in bad ass mode. EVERYONE can appreciate Gran Torino. Sure, it might get a tad uncomfortable. Christ knows nothing kills the romantic mood than a lot of racist terminology for Koreans. I won’t spoil it, but by the end you can turn to your partner and say “I’d do that for you, y’know”. If they ask what you meant by that, don’t even try to explain, because I’m pretty sure none of the actions of the film could be applied to situations in your life. Just bone.

Whatever you decide to do, whether you’re in a relationship or you’ll be feeling completely alone to the point that it eats away at your soul (too personal?), don’t forgot it’s my 23rd the day after, and that Valentines Day pales in comparison to the anniversary of my glorious birth.

1. madamechung liked this
2. leiyingyu liked this
3. adamgrundy posted this